GPS apps like Grindr and Scruff are becoming more and more popular amongst gay and bisexual men, and men that have sex with men.
These apps provide a fast, easy way for guys to meet up for relationships, dating, networking and hook-ups.
Whatever you’re using apps for, it’s worth thinking about how you will come across to other guys and what you’re looking for.
Your profile picture: If you’re going to use a profile picture, make sure it’s a good, clear picture of yourself. Some guys might choose to use an image of nice scenery but that's unlikely to get you many messages!
There are plenty of good reasons why someone might not want to use a photo – maybe they aren’t out or don’t want people to know they’re on apps. Some guys like to have a little small talk first and only send pictures when they feel more comfortable. Don’t write him off, he might be the man of your dreams.
Some men will remain faceless but are still looking for ‘Right Now’. It’s your call but think about safety. Do you really want to go on a hook-up blind?
Profile Content: Your profile is your opportunity to get across to other guys what you’re looking for – from ‘Right Now’ to Mr Right.
If you’re new to apps, you’ll get a good idea of how it works from looking at other guys' profiles.
Be as creative as you want to make your profile stand out and attract the type of guy you’re looking for and try to be clear about what you’re looking for.
I’m just not that into you: We all have different tastes in men and sometimes, there just isn't any kind of attraction. If you don’t hear back from a guy, maybe he’s just not into you. Try not to take it personally and move on. If the shoe’s on the other foot and you’re not interested, try sending a message back. After all its flattering that someone fancies you so show a bit of respect. A quick ‘thanks but you’re not the type of guy I would go for handsome!‘ will ease his disappointment gently and it’s nice to be nice.
Sharing pictures: Lots of guys like to send pictures to potential hook ups but it isn’t for everyone. You should never feel pressured into it - it’s always your choice. Guys often share cock pictures and you might want to consider making sure your face isn’t in the image.
In Lothian there is a relatively small scene and the chances are you're chatting to someone who knows someone who knows you. Unfortunately not all guys are discreet about their app meets and will share info and images with their friends in the pub. Bear that in mind when you're sending pictures.
Negotiating the sex you want: It’s easy to get caught up in sex chat when you’re on apps and often one thing will lead to another.
Chatting online is a great opportunity to talk about the sex you want. You can tell him about what you’re into and what you’re looking for while making clear what you’re not comfortable with. You should mention if you are only interested in safe fun (‘will only fuck with condoms’). Don’t be shy! Ask the guy if he has condoms or lube or if you should bring them.
If you have the hangover horn, coming down off drugs or feeling a little down, you might be tempted to hook up with guys you wouldn’t usually. Think about it - is it worth just having a wank and waiting until you feel more ‘with it’?
Negotiating sex is about the whole hook up. Chat about the plan when you get together. Are you going to have a drink and a chat first or is it straight to bed? Some guys like to chat first to help relax while others might answer the door ready to go.
Work out who’s going where and make sure you feel comfortable and confident that the guy is who he says he is. Don’t be afraid to ask for more pictures until your satisfied he’s your type. If they have the app its likely that their smart phone has a camera – so there is no excuse for not sending a selfie or two.
It can be quite nerve racking going to someone else’s home for a meet and vice versa but bear in mind he’s probably feeling the same. If you’ve been drinking or taking drugs, don’t drive. You can get a taxi or arrange for him to come to you.
Remember, if you arrive at the door and he’s not the guy you thought he was, it’s never too late to say no. You can just walk away or say sorry you’re not my type.
Never feel pressured into having sex…there are plenty more fish in the app!